September 16, 2008

Huumorintaju lopullisella koetuksella

Jos pystyt nauramaan tälle hikipedian jutulle, sinulla ei ole mitään hätää. Jostain käsittämättömästä syystä rakastat elämää enemmän ja häikäilemättömämmin kuin elämä sinua. Onnitteluni. Olet voittaja. Sinulla on voimaa haistattaa pitkät jopa kuolemalle!
Itsemurha (lat. suicidium) on henkirikos, jonka tekemiseen vaaditaan vain yksi henkilö. Se henkilö olet Sinä. Kyllä, juuri sinä. Sinulla on nyt ainutlaatuinen mahdollisuus paeta tätä julmaa maailmaa kuoleman ymmärtävään syliin! Eikö tunnukin ihanalta ajatella typerien vanhempiesi surua ja itkua ja kuinka he katuvatkaan ja toivovat, että olisit elossa. Voit tehdä itsemurhan vain yhden kerran, joten toteuttamistapa on syytä valita huolellisesti. Yleisimpiä itsemurhatapoja ovat munuaisten repiminen ulos vesurilla sekä Uusikselle vittuilu. Yksi toimiva tapa on sytytetyn dynamiittipötkön tunkeminen perseeseen.
Itsemurhavälineissä suosiota ovat myös saavuttaneet Bilteman pakokaasuletku ja Etolan sininen pyykkinaru. Itsemurhaan kelpaa myös Laura Voutilaisen koko tuotanto, tosin prosessi on hidas ja tuskallinen.
(Ote hikipedian valistuspläjäyksestä).
Valitse nyt itsellesi sopiva tapa lähteä tästä elämästä. 'Osta erikoistarjouksesta sopivaa köyttä juuri 'kaulakiikkua' varten. Osta ikioma kiikkunaru vain omaan käyttöön!' Mitäpä ei marketti myisi tehdäkseen sinulla rahaa vielä hirressä roikkuessasi.

Lue lisää alla olevasta linkistä.

The last words written by famous people in their suicide notes

And so I leave this world, where the heart must either break or turn to lead. Suicide note.~~ Nicolas-Sebastien Chamfort, French writer, d. 1794

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney, for Frances for her life will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU. Suicide note.~~ Kurt Cobain, musician, d. April 8, 1994

Goodbye, everybody!Last words as he jumped off the cruise ship "Orizaba." (His body was never found.)~~ Hart Crane, poet, d. April 27, 1932

To my friends: My work is done. Why wait? Suicide note.~~ George Eastman, inventor, d. March 14, 1932

Goodbye, my friend, goodbye My love, you are in my heart. It was preordained we should part And be reunited by and by. Goodbye: no handshake to endure. Let's have no sadness -- furrowed brow. There's nothing new in dying now Though living is no newer.
Written in his own blood, and given to a friend the day before he hanged himself.~~ Sergei Esenin, Russian poet, d. Dec. 28, 1925

When all usefulness is over, when one is assured of an unavoidable and imminent death, it is the simplest of human rights to choose a quick and easy death in place of a slow and horrible one.
Suicide note.~~ Charlotte Perkins Gilman, writer, d. August 17, 1935 (As an advocate for the right-to-die, Gilman committed suicide on August 17, 1935 by taking an overdose of chloroform. She "chose chloroform over cancer.")

Lets see if this will do it. Accidental suicide as he shot himself with a blank-loaded pistol on the set of TV spy show "Cover Up." The concussion forced a chunk of his skull into his brain; he died six days later.~~ Jon Erik Hexum, actor, d. October 18, 1984

All fled--all done, so lift me on the pyre; The feast is over, and the lamps expire. Suicide note.~~ Robert E. Howard, writer, d. June 11, 1936

And now, in keeping with Channel 40's policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts, in living color, you're about to see another first - an attempted suicide. Shot herself during broadcast.~~ Chris Chubbuck, newscaster, d. July 15, 1974

Don't worry, it's not loaded. Suicide playing Russian roulette. ~~ Terry Kath, rock musician, d. January 23, 1978

They tried to get me - I got them first! Suicide by drinking Lysol.~~ Vachel Lindsay, poet, d. December 4, 1931

I must end it. There's no hope left. I'll be at peace. No one had anything to do with this. My decision totally. Suicide note.~~ Freddie Prinze, comedian, d. January 29, 1977

Dear World, I am leaving you because I am bored. I feel I have lived long enough. I am leaving you with your worries in this sweet cesspool - good luck. Suicide note.~~ George Sanders, British actor, d. April 25, 1972

When I am dead, and over me bright April Shakes out her rain drenched hair, Tho you should lean above me broken hearted, I shall not care. For I shall have peace. As leafey trees are peaceful When rain bends down the bough. And I shall be more silent and cold hearted Than you are now. Suicide note to her lover who left her.~~ Sara Teasdale, poet, d. 1933

"Football Season Is Over."No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax This won't hurt.
Hunter left the note for his wife, Anita. He shot himself four days later at his home in Aspen, Colo., after weeks of pain from a host of physical problems that included a broken leg and a hip replacement.~~ Hunter S. Thompson, author, d. 20 February, 2005The writer's ashes were blown into the sky in Woody Creek, Colo., amid fireworks on Aug. 20.

To Harald, may God forgive you and forgive me too but I prefer to take my life away and our baby's before I bring him with shame or killing him, Lupe. Suicide note.~~ Lupe Velez, actress, d. December 13, 1944

The future is just old age and illness and pain.... I must have peace and this is the only way. Suicide note.~~ James Whale, film director, d. May 29, 1957

I don't believe that people should take their own lives without deep and thoughtful reflection over a considerable period of time. Suicide note.~~ Wendy O. Williams, punk rock performer, d. April 6, 1998

I feel certain that I'm going mad again. I feel we can't go thru another of those terrible times. And I shan't recover this time. I begin to hear voices. Suicide note ~~ Virginia Woolf, author, d. March 28, 1941

Last Words
Words of Criminals At Execution
Famous Suicide Notes . . .

Kristillistä kritiikkiä makaaberia huumoriani vastaan:

Vastaukseni kristityn sietämättömän kevyelle (siis typerälle!) tekopyhyydelle:


Homo Garrulus said...

Nauru päivässä pitää fariseukset loitolla (A Laugh a Day Keeps the Pharisees Away)

Alan Morrison.

Lainattu tuosta sinun linkistä: hyvä juttu. Mutta ei taida pitää paikkansa sillä minä yritin pitää ja ylläpitää hyvää tuulta kaiken paskan keskuudessa mutta minut syötiin sitäkin syvemmälle. Nyt en oikeasti enää jaksa mitään.

Ironmistress said...

Suurimman osan tuosta Hikipedian artikkelista muuten on kirjoittanut ruukinmatruuna itse :-)